Thursday, September 08, 2005 @5:19 pm
Amanda Lim!! It's the Media Law exam on monday and Advertising Exam on WednesdaY!! what are you doing online and blogging right now?!!! It's thursday already and you havent studied ONE BIT! -ack-
right. much as i'd love to try, i just can't seem to get down to reading my damned notes. here i am, bumming around on my parent's bed next to my sister, laughing and bitching about stuffs, and here i am, going on to type an entry. one that doesn't consist of anything worth reading at all.
and you'd wonder why i'd still write it. well i dunno! i can't stop my big and fat fingers (just like my huge and fat toes). I just got some rather interesting insights from reading blogs. YES, i know. i'm supposed to be reading NOTES, not BLOGS.
so okay. here goes something:
CRUSHES; INFATUATIONS; LOVEI always wonder and think to myself, how many people have i actually really grew fond of, fond enough to convince myself that they could be the father of my children next time, or the person i could spend my life with, not bothering about living habbits like loud farting or even nose digging? a refined man wouldn't do that, you say. but at home? there's no telling. at home, with all the privacy in the world, you can fart as loudly as you can.this may seem funny. but then when i look at a guy and think to myself," will i be able to take it if this guy sits beside me in my home and farts in front of me?"kinda disgusting huh? but isnt this the kinda thing you have to live with when you actually get married? thought about that?and what's a crush for? to love. what's love for? to exist in a relationship. and what's a relationship for? to have a companion to commit to for life. yep. a relationship is more than just about love and feelings, it's all abt commitment. now i think to myself, can i actually bring myself to that level of commitment? some people get married at 24, 25 years old. that's only like 5-6 years from now, for me!how many of us actually thought about everything we'd have to accept about our other half? It definitely ain't easy. I wouldn't even know if i could. and my mom goes, "mandy ahh.. you're 19 already, how come still no boyfriend?? how come you can't find anyone?? your expectations are too high is it??" now, what do i tell her?next you hear her say when watching tv and she sees someone like benedict goh or alan wu appear on tv, "mandy i tell you ah, next time when you find boyfriend, bring home one handsome one laa. then tall tall one, then wont be so short, like your daddy, old already so small sized, wait people say like mouse like that. then some more cannot carry the kids after awhile, cos so small, no strength." Insightful. but then again, i really do prefer taller guys. =/I wouldn't know. I realise I've loved not many males. I said I liked them, i could go all crazy over them. when i think about it, were they all but just crushes and infatuations? I'd just go crazy over many for two weeks, or a month, then lose interest. or was my heart broken too many times? i've met the most ungentlemanly people of all times, that i now wonder what could be worse. let's see. just don't get me cheated. that'll do. haha.
am i reluctant to enter a relationship now? i guess you could say that. but that doesnt stop myself from having feelings for another person.. not yet, i guess.
[edit] oh, and sigh. Daddy's long time good friend, uncle david, has just passed away this morning. He was a good man, one of the best bassists in Singapore, daddy's great band mate, and good friend. I think daddy's very sad inside, but he says that because uncle David's gone to be with God, he's feeling more relieved cos uncle David doesnt have to suffer anymore (chemo every 2-3 days, plus he slipped into a coma a couple of days ago).so much for being excited and telling daddy how he can call uncle David after he recovers, and the rest of his old band mates and form the Thunderstorms once again, after they'd all retired. I miss daddy in his young band days. Singapore's Rod Steward, they called him. haha. -sigh-
⥠every page of my imagination